Ya want spies with that?

Next week the United States is to launch its latest addition to the War on Human Rights by allocating a secret code to every air traveler to the U.S. The ratings which will be used to subject people to further interrogation and maybe even arrest - with no evidence of any wrong doing - are to remain secret for 40 years, cannot be challenged by the people under surveillance and cannot be even viewed by them.

The new scoring system, called the Automated Targeting System is the latest brainchild of America's Department of Homeland Security and gives even those of us who love our friends in the United States the distinct impression that, with regard to security, the U.S. is becoming paranoid to the point of wacky.



Among the elements used to allocate a 'score' to people who, remember have no criminal convictions and no history, include their travel records, where they are from, how they paid for their tickets, their car records, their seating preference, past one-way travel and what meal they ordered.

I can see the regular tourist flights from the UK to Orlando being a lot of fun in future.

"Hey, Marvin, we got some real baaad shit goin' down here. Send some backup. There could be trouble! We got a guy scored zero"

"What did the guy dooooo? Why he only sat through the whole goddam flight wearing a straw hat, a Hawaiian beach shirt and those ugly shorts the Limeys wear, that's what he did! He's gotta be a terrorist. Like Jeez man no real Brit has THAT much bad taste!

"No, no that ain't all! He ordered a chip butty! I mean like fuck, thats some Islamic crap ain't it? Whaaaaatt?? OK OK smartass so that's a chapatti. Well shit, man they sound the goddam same!

"Then when the flight attendant refused to serve him any more lager, he slapped her on the ass and yelled 'Bloody 'ell - two ferrets in a sack!'

"Thats gotta be some terrorist code right? I mean shit, its obvious theres two guys waiting and they're up to no good, right- ?"

...and I fear that the interminable queues to get through US Immigration will become so interminable that the end of your vacation will arrive before you make it past those first grim faced officials who welcome you so enthusiastically to the United States and kick your holiday off with that nice warm glow! Personally I think I'll go to Blackpool next year!