The greatest sporting challenge - and how to survive it.

OK I'm English and I'm biased but I have always felt that the greatest raw sporting challenge, the greatest test of character and of 'bottle' that man could ever face is in the white hot arena of a 5 day cricket test match ...and no other conflict matches the atmosphere of the biennial Battle for the 'Ashes' - the historic series between England and Australia - as the supreme example of that. A test not just of ability, but of patience, stamina, mental toughness. All these qualities have to be displayed to get the edge, to drive home the psychological advantage. Two nations with a love/hate relationship going back of course to the founding of Australia as a prison colony and the consequent reminders of that by Englishmen to Aussies ever since. Fortunately the 'hate' part usually confines itself to the sporting arena when a nation of charming wonderful people suddenly leaves Dr.Jekyll behind and becomes Mr.Hyde, players, supporters and particularly the Australian media pouring scorn and derision on everything English.

Cricket is not the nice, afternoon stroll that non participants sometimes fondly imagine - not at the supreme professional level anyway. Australians, particularly, are past masters at the art of psyching out an opponent, playing mind games, unsettling the opposition even before the game starts.

There have been some colourful characters in the game over the years and one legendary fan was a a guy named Steve Gascoigne, a passionate Australian, known to the locals on his favourite 'taunting spot' the Hill at Sydney Cricket Ground, as 'Yabba'. He had a loud and well projected voice and his favourite occupation was to taunt English batsmen. There are many comments attributed to 'Yabba' but one of his most famous is when a celebrated English batsman was struggling for form against an Aussie fast bowler, playing at and missing the ball regularly. 'Yabba' was heard to shout in a big booming voice 'Oy Ray, chuck the bastard a grand piano. Lets see if he can play that!"



If its tough for the players what about the armchair fans? Especially when you are in England and the series is played in Australia. The games start at midnight and continue until 6.30am UK time. Its a nightmare. How can any true fan go to bed while this gladiatorial contest is being played out live on his television screen?

I have discovered half an answer -though its not totally satisfactory and leaves me feeling drained in the morning. Sleep for a couple of hours before the game starts then watch from Midnight to 2am or 2.30am - the lunch break in Australia. Catch another hours sleep and come back fighting for another 2 hours, then have another nap and repeat the dose until 6.30. Over the last leg you need plenty of hot coffee!

At least England has started this game better than it began the one in Brisbane. Lets hope its not a false dawn and the result is still the same embarrassing shambles. Whatever, this stiff upper lipped Englishman will be there in front of his TV set, eyelids propped open with match sticks, foaming hot coffee at the ready, cheering our lads on!