Do you have friends who are so goddam successful that they think your life is complemented at Christmas by living theirs vicariously through a long standard letter? You know the sort of thing:
'Dear [Brian]
Sorry we haven't been in touch but as I have been preparing for my 5th Himalayan expedition (I swore to Celia I'd bring her back a chunk of rock from the very top of Everest this time) and my wife is up to her ears as UN goodwill ambassador to Matabeleland, I'm afraid life has just been one non stop whirl for the last 12 months.
Celia sends her love etc etc and would have added a personal note but she's stuck somewhere in the Congo at the moment ( personal request from Tony to do a little female diplomacy -well you know how it is, can't refuse etc etc) but she really is thinking of you.
I think we forgot your birthday too. Sorry old boy but we were out of the country on tour with Joss Stone - yes amazing isn't it. All gratis and paid for, hotels as well. Yes I mean I'd never heard of the girl either but seems our eldest, you remember Clarissa? Well while she was studying in Manchester for her first class honours degree it seems they met at some club Joss was performing at and Clarri said she was like 'really cool' and well, mentioned the name to her mother and Celia was able to open a few doors and well..bob's your uncle as they say.
Young Damien, he's off to Oxford in September, but he's spending his gap year helping Bob Geldof sort out the poor in Africa. Takes after his mother, heart of gold. Anyway we had a champagne supper last week as he just got his helicopter licence. Well we didn't want hime tramping through those ghastly jungles risking swamp fever so we got him his own chopper. Second hand, naturally! I mean we're not made of money! Apparently there's no problem landing in those villages. You just give the tribal commissioner a days notice and they knock down a few huts to make some room. They don't take long to rebuild.
As for little Penny, well she's not so little any more. Sixteen now and pretty as a picture (see photo). I'm afraid she doesn't have the brains of the other two, oh she'd be the first to admit it. But the talent in those hands. I mean she always stared at the dresses in Marks and Sparks when she was six and then started drawing and next week she starts an apprenticeship with Stella - you know - Sir Paul's girl. Well I mean the kid deserves the chance. Of course after the law work my firm did with Sir P on that rather messy Heather business I called in a favour or two and ..well wheels within wheels.
Well that's us, I'm afraid. Humdrum and boring as ever. Celia always says why do we foist our tedious lives on [Brian] when you obviously have so full a life of your own. Do send us a date when you are free and I'll get my computer to calculate when we can all get together - probably around September 2012 at a guess right now.
Till then
Ciao
Peregrine'
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